This and that

Can you enVISION this?

2006-03-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I posted. I was down with food poisoning (or is it water?). On top of that my eyes were still troubling me. Speaking of which, I have to describe the ordeal (or should I say ordeals) I went through to get myself the right pair of lens

Ordeal 1

Had problems with my vision and went to this relatively new clinic (has been around for three years) which was close by. They did hajaar tests on me. I was mighty pleased with it. Being a cheapo, I thought it was paisa vasool. I had gone to get my power tested and they were checking my eye muscle (never gave it a thought earlier) and the tear quotient as well. I was taken aback when the guy said my eyes dry up fast and that I don’t have enough tears. That is certainly news to me. I get watery eyed very easily. All I have to do is become emotional – be it happy, angry, upset, depressed, etc. I normally have to use a considerable amount of will not to let tears flow freely. That should have struck a warning bell. Probably it did and I didn’t heed to it. I was extremely pleased with the three-in-one offer I was getting. Anyway, I happily sauntered over to the doctor for the final prognosis.

My smile froze on my face. The young chap sitting behind the desk could not be my doctor. There has got to be a mistake. Upon enquiring I concluded that he really is the doctor.
I like my doctors to be old (equating it of course to experience) – the older the better. Doctor Doogie Howsers of the world are not for me. I would much rather go with experience than brilliance.

I should have bolted from the place when I still had the chance. I hesitated because I didn't want anyone to accuse me of being prejudiced. So I asked him how long he has been practicing. On hindsight, I think it was a wrong question. He ended up thinking I was enquiring about his age. Probably yes. But it was for a completely different purpose.

Even as I was recovering from my shock, Dr.X prescribed the lens and asked me to collect it on Sunday. Since I wanted the doctor to check if my lens fit was alright, I asked him for an appointment on Sunday as well. Dr. X said he will be traveling and will be back only on Sunday evening. I said I’d probably miss him as I would be traveling on Sunday evening. But guess what? The guy completely misconstrued the statement. He thought I would miss him - as in miss him in a yucky sort of way. As soon as I realized this, I tried to retrieve the situation only to dig my grave deeper. Hold your breath. I actually said, “We’d miss each other”. Gosh! What is it with me and the word ‘miss’? For the life of me, I couldn’t think of another word. Dr.X excitedly offered to meet me in the evening at some other place. I quickly made my exit after declining the offer.

Since I had already paid for the lens, I went and collected it. As luck would have it, it did not fit me. Nothing on earth would have made me go back to the doctor. So my search for the ‘perfect lens’ was still on…..

Notes to myself

1) Never go to a clinic just because it is in the neighbourhood. Always go to the reputed clinics
2) Never ask a doctor how long he has been practicing – It gives them ideas
3) Get myself a thesaurus – How could I not get a synonym for miss?

This PL (perfect lens) search led me to another horrific experience – more about that in my next post

Playful Act!

2006-01-31T05:54:00.000-08:00

Ok. This time around my company has given me the "Most Valuable Player" award. Valuable player?! Now, what does that mean? When my name was announced I was taken aback. My initial thoughts were “How did they know that I play solitaire so very frequently". I am not kidding. If they were real serious about my contribution wouldn't they have phrased it better? Why player? Pray tell me

Seriously, if they wanted to commemorate me for the good job done, why did they not give me "Most Valuable Employee" award or some such thing? Wonder, why they've tagged the word player to it. Is it their subtle way of saying, "Don't take this too seriously, we are giving it coz we need to give it to somebody?"

I thought the nicest part about receiving an award is the eulogy people bestow on the recipient. Here, I had a grandeur vision that someone is going to sing my praises. Thought, I would get to hear of some wining qualities in me that I am completely unaware of. Well…they have taken away that joy too. I just received a mail with my name against the award category. Sigh…

They have taken away the sanctity of the award. That is why I am mighty peeved! Everyone thinks I am crazy to feel this way. But tell me frankly, do you think so too?

Wanna get stoned?

2006-01-18T02:13:00.000-08:00

Couldn't help but comment on the bizarre news I read the other day. As per this article, actor William Shartner of Star Trek fame has sold his kidney stones for $25,000. Yikes!

I do come from a place where heroines are worshiped - literally at that. In South India, temples have been built for Khushboo and Silk Smitha (both from Tollywood). Even then, it has been difficult for me to digest this news.

I honestly am not able to visualize anyone purchasing the stone let alone flaunt/publicize it. What can the buyer tell the envious friends? This used to reside within shartner now it is with me? Or Shartner's pain is my gain. Or I now know Shartner inside out. Or.....

TOD(Thought for the day) in a well

2006-01-06T05:07:00.000-08:00

If I were to never experience hunger or sickness would I still be doing the same job in the same company

Monstrous New Year!

2006-01-03T00:52:00.000-08:00

For the New Year’s I've given myself the gift of music. In other words I got myself a music system. It felt so wonderful buying something for me. No wonder my friends have an ecstatic look when they gift me. You don't believe me? Check out for yourself. Buy me a gift and tell me if I am wrong

On a more serious note, there is something highly liberating about fulfilling one’s own material wants. Have always bought stuff that were considered essential - grocery, occasional footwear, beauty parlor (if you have as thick an eyebrow as mine you wouldn’t call that a luxury) – for surviving in a cosmopolitan city (why mention the city and hear you sneeringly say, “cosmopolitan eh?”). Never have I given in to self indulgence. That is, till now.

Now that I’ve gotten a taste for it, should I be getting for myself the platinum jewellery or a ticket to London (now that it’s hit an all time low of ~ Rs.18000/-) or a treatment in Kaya's clinic or.....

Gawd! Somebody stop me!! Looks like I’ve unleashed the shopping monster in me

Thought for the day

2005-12-28T05:32:00.000-08:00

Life is a journey towards the destination of immortality. While some use bullock cart (like me) some take car, some aircrafts and a select few even take a supersonic jet (like aurobindo). But ultimately we all reach the destination. So why fret?

Soul - Sum

2005-12-21T03:02:00.000-08:00

Earthworms+ Cockroaches+ ants+ gorillas+ etc+humans= X

The sum total of all souls (all living things have a soul) on earth is always the same - X. Though the ratio of these organisms can and does change. So don't worry if human population is increasing. In fact it logically should.

Human beings are the most evolved of the species and so all those in the lower part of the animal kingdom should naturally progress towards being part of the human race. So let us stop saying that human population is growing at an alarming rate. For all you know, it just implies that world is evolving at a faster pace :-) What are your comments Maneka Gandhi?

Your misery is really my business

2005-12-11T21:29:00.000-08:00

Of late I have been contemplating starting my own business. Since I am financially challenged, my options are pretty limited. Reckon I’d just have to compensate monetary constraint with my chutzpah and talent.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a talented girl. But I don’t see much use for them in my business. Talents like appearing busy even with no work; conversing for a long time without making sense; sleeping with my eyes wide open have all helped me a great deal in the corporate world. But can I build a business empire out of it? Probably not. I should just think of something else.

My friends say that I’m funny. Can I start a humor service and make them happy? My experience tells me that it would be a tough task. Moreover, there already are so many comedians around. Also I want to start something unique. Try out something which no one else has thought about/ dared to do earlier.

My friends have also told me that I could give a negative spin to just about anything. Could I somehow use this gift to help mankind and me too in the bargain (There is no such thing as a selfless act)? I certainly can..

Just think about it. Don’t we all believe in the ‘theory of relativity’ (TOR)? No. Not the Einstein’s theory but the one that has been encoded in our very genetics. I am alluding to the chromosome – Torosome - in us that makes us feel better about our lives by using others misery as the reference point. My ability to make a person miserable by my sheer negativity can be put to use in this context. Do you wonder how?

I envision my service to work somewhat like this. If you are feeling miserable just drop me a mail with a person’s name whose misery would perk you up. I promise to make the target’s life so miserable that in comparison you’d feel much better about your life

My target segment would be all the miserable people in this world. I would even price my service real low. There is after all more to life than money. If I plan it just right, think I can really get this going.

So all you guys out there hold on to your misery just a little while. Let me get started. And for those who book my service right now I promise to give discounts. Any takers?

Revenge of the techies!

2005-12-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

So you thought that getting a management degree would be your passport to success is it? When you joined the IT Company did you feel a wee bit superior to the techies there? Did you feel blessed that you don’t ever have to cram stuff and clear exams at frequent intervals? Did you, like me, pity the techie’s lot?

It was rather difficult not to pity them. After all, they had to keep track of the latest developments in the IT field – if it is not ERP, CRM today then it is TPM, on a regular basis. Like a nice colleague, I even used to email these guys relevant articles. Ok. So what if I was gloating albeit in a subtle way. They didn’t even realize that. Suckers!

Must admit that theirs is not an easy life to lead. Not only do they have to be aware of the various technologies making rounds, but they also have to clear exams and get certificates.

My lot – the management graduates – really had it good. We needed to slog only till we got ourselves launched in a career. After which, it was expected to be a pretty much smooth ride. Yeah. That was then.

Now the techies of the world have united! They too have been struck by ‘pass the misery’ syndrome. Do you want to know what these sneaky guys have done? They have changed the rules of the game. No. I am not referring to the snatching of jobs from their US counterparts.

I am talking about their effort to morph us into them. They are insisting that we get certified too. How could they?! But because of them, we – the management graduates, are no longer judged by our alma mater or talent (whatever that means). Gosh we too need to keep giving exams and collecting certificates!

The reason I am cribbing so much – My boss has made it mandatory for me to attend a training session and take up the certification exam. It is so unfair! Even a few days back, this would have been unheard of. But the sly techies have accomplished this right under our noses. Since I would never have settled for technical training, they've devised an elaborate scheme of collaborating with a premium management institute to conjure up this act.

I might be a victim of this elaborate conspiracy. But I refuse to go down silently. Nah. I am leaking this story out into the whole wide world (www) and shouting a warning to all those (non-techies) who would hear me - Beware! The world as you knew it is coming to an end!

Thought for the day?

2005-12-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

Is there no such thing as wordless thoughts? Have you ever had a thought without associating it with words? I have been trying to do that for days and have not yet succeeded. What does that prove? That I have limitless vocabulary or that my thoughts are limited by words.

God! What would I not give to understand how thought process of men worked before language (includes even pictorial and sign language) was invented?

MOD - Musings of the Day

2005-12-01T20:51:00.000-08:00

I believe, each of us was born with equal amount of happiness. While some of us nurtured it and let it bloom others let it wither. We then have the gall to say, "If God really existed there wouldn't be so much misery in this world." Duh

Fantasy

2005-12-01T05:08:00.000-08:00

You
bring a smile on to my face

You
make the world a better place

You
put me on top of the world

You
make me feel alright

You
make me a better person

You
are my strength and weakness

You
are my fantasy

Contempt

2005-11-28T21:14:00.000-08:00

Just when I think everything is fine
And decide never to lie
Things get rough
And I immediately bluff

Never again said I
Will I lie...
Fake an expression
To make an impression

Isn't this always what I say?
When things don't go my way
I tied over my worries
by making up stories

Why am i a fake
For other's sake
Why do I forsake
That which I truly am

So, I start again on the path
Renewing my oath

Never again
Will I lie again
Fake an expression
To make an impression

QOD - Question of the day

2005-11-28T03:06:00.000-08:00

What if these are the best days of my life?